I'm going to talk about something that God has been laying on my heart a lot lately. It's a bit of a touchy subject for a lot of people that I know and have been close to over the years.
In case you don't know, I was raised in a Christian home by the greatest parents in the world. Up until I was 15 we attended a church that was fairly legalistic. In my younger years I didn't know that. I thought it was normal because I had been going there my whole life. I thought it was normal for your pastor to tell the congregation what you should and shouldn't wear. I thought it was normal to go to conferences where all they did was tell you what you were doing wrong and why you shouldn't wear jeans(because that causes men to lust after you). I thought it was normal for your parents to be too afraid to let you spend the night at a friends house because they were scared of what "the men in the house might do to you as a young girl."(No it wasn't the men in a particular family, it was men in general.) I was taught that girls couldn't do certain things. I wasn't allowed to play sports past T-ball. I wasn't supposed to do a number of things because I am a girl. Now, I can't even remember what those things are, but at the time that really upset me. I literally could go on about all of this all day, but I won't because that's not what this post is about.
Growing up in that church I never resented my parents for what they made me read, what they made me do, or what they made me wear. However I did begin to resent the leadership in the church. As I got older I began to see a lot of it as ridiculous and over the top, but that was what I was used to. I had grown up in that. My parents, as well as all of my friends parents, were very strict with their kids. This caused a bunch of rebellion as my friends older siblings began to get old enough to drive and start going to a different church on their own. It has caused many of the people that I know to become bitter towards their parents, the Church, and even God.
The point of this post is not to show how wrong this church was or how wrong our parents were. It is to show that my parents, and the parents of my friends, only did what they thought was best for us. I don't have kids of my own yet but I've gotten to see enough parents with their young children that just want the best for them. They just want them to know that they are loved. They want them to know what is right and wrong. They want them to be safe and most importantly they want them to love God. I've seen that it is incredibly difficult to be a parent in this crazy world, and even more difficult to raise children in the ways of God.
I truly believe that my parents did what they thought at the time was right. I can't tell you how many times my mom and dad have apologized for everything that they put me and my siblings through growing up. They wish that they could do it over again. I feel that it would be wrong of me to be bitter towards them for just trying to raise me right. Can I just say how happy I am that my little siblings get to grow up in a church free of judgement and free of the constant belief that you can never do anything right in God's eyes? I truly praise God that they get to grow up in Southwinds Baptist Church. I don't resent the fact that my 9 year old sister was allowed to wear jeans her whole life. I don't resent the fact that my younger siblings get to have sleepovers. I love that for them. I love that they have a good relationship with my parents and they have a relationship with God that is their own and wasn't forced upon them.
I always find it so sad when I hear some of my friends talk about how mad they are that their younger siblings are getting to do something that they never had the chance to do, because of our background. They are so angry towards their parents and I hate that for them. They can't see that their parents only did what they thought was best for them(or maybe they don't want to). It's even more sad though when my friends parents say something about it. I hate hearing how broken they are when they were just trying to do the right thing. I know they would change a lot if they could.
Dear friends, please forgive your parents. You may never know how much they need you to. So please let it go. They only did all of this out of love for you and for God.
Dear parents, if you haven't already, please ask for your children's forgiveness. You never know how much they may need you to ask.
Sarah (formerly Stephens) Chute
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